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We'll be half-way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
Oh, black swan... 
23rd-Sep-2008 11:26 pm
Je veux vivre
Day two. I'M DOING IT I'M DOING IT I'M DOING IT!!

I studied like crazy for this astronomy test, and I think I may have just aced it. I know I horribly butchered three different laws, but thats only 3 questions out of 50 - if I get the rest right, thats still a 96, which is still an A. I'm hoping for an A, but I'll be satisfied with a B. I'm seriously so proud of myself - I did the test in about 20 minutes and it was so easy and I feel like I actually learned a lot. Which is impressive considering I only paid attention to the first two lectures and didn't even bother looking at the slides online until this past Thursday. Heh. BUT WHATEVER I TOTALLY PASSED.

I also have an ear training test tomorrow, and for the first time ever I'm not too worried about it. I have found that I am an extremely accomplished guesser at chord progressions, I'm very good at chord recognition, I'm decent at melodic dictation (sometimes - it's really hit or miss with dictation, but I'm always able to accurately notate the rhythm, so thats partial credit at least) and... I know most of the intervals. For some reason lately I've been confusing 3rd and 6ths, though, and I have no idea why. *bites lip* But after tomorrow the testing will be OVER for a while - huzzah!

Because I feel like I still need to say something - my fingers are in motion and I can't bare to stop them now, not when I'm sort of on a roll - sorry flist - I need inspiration. So I turn to Ruben. What shall I write about? I ask him. His reply?



I'm a cold hearted person. Sure. We know that. I don't really care for animals at all - I used to severely dislike all except for birds and very small things like cats and hamsters, and I hated dogs and such. I still dislike dogs, but my tolerance for other animals has grown. There are three animals that I have a distinct fondness for - sheep, hummingbirds, and swans [notably black ones]. But for the sake of time I'm gonna ignore the sheep and hummingbirds and focus on the swans.

I don't know why I love swans, I don't. I didn't even know I loved them for a really long time. And then in junior year I sang "The Black Swan" from The Medium by Menotti, and fell in love. There's always been something that made me look at the bird a little differently - maybe it's the story of the ugly duckling. What homely little girl can hear the story of an ugly duckling growing into a beautiful swan and not feel some sort of aching hope? The swan becomes a sign of beauty and grace... sometimes unattainable, but beauty and grace nonetheless. And as a musician, as an artist - even as a person - I've always been very sensitive to beauty.

Aaaand I lost the thought. Carrying on.

A few months after I started singing that aria, I got to see a real black swan in a lake... and m heart about stopped. I stared and stared at the magnificent creature, and something about it made my heart nearly break. There was beauty, yes - so, so much beauty I could hardly stand it - but there was something more about it that touched me, and I didn't understand what it was. I still don't really. It might have been the image of the perfect beauty, fallen from grace... it may have just been the memory of the lyrics of my aria haunting me as I gazed upon it.

"The sun has fallen, and it lies in blood... the moon is weaving bandages of gold. Oh, black swan, where oh where has my lover gone? Torn and tattered is my bridal gown, and my lamp is lost... and my lamp is lost. With silver needle and with silver thread, the stars stitch a shroud for the dying sun. Oh, black swan, where oh where has my lover gone? I had given him a kiss of fire and a golden ring... and a golden ring. Don't you hear your lover moan? Eyes of glass... and feet of stone. Shells for teeth, and weeds for tongue... Deep, deep down in the river's bed, he's looking for the ring. Eyes wide open, never asleep, he's looking for the ring... Looking for the ring... The spools unravel and the needles break. The sun is buried and the stars weep. Oh, black wave, oh, black wave... take me away with you. Take me down to my wandering lover with my child unborn... with my child unborn."

Perhaps it's not a very good reason to have a favorite animal, but the image of it makes me feel, and to feel is to be alive.
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